And Another Thing…

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American Movie “Classics”

What do you think of when you hear or read the word “classic”? According to Dictionary.com, classic can be defined as: of the first or highest quality, class, or rank: a classic piece of work, serving as a standard, model, or guide (adjectives), an author or a literary work of the first rank, esp. one of demonstrably enduring quality, something noteworthy of its kind and worth remembering (nouns).

Given these definitions, one would think that any channel called American Movie Classics would have movies that might be considered as such by some consensus. While many of the movies they show qualify, look at some of the other jewels on their schedule for March:

demonisland1.jpg Piñata: Survival Island or Demon Island the plot of which, according to IMDB.com, goes like this: “Teens trapped on an island are haunted by a demon hidden inside…a piñata”

navysealsmovie.jpg Navy Seals  Contains violence, macho posturing, bad dialogue, and Charlie Sheen

390px-death_wish_movie_poster.jpg death_wish_ii.jpg 391px-death_wish_three.jpg 396px-death_wish_4.jpg deathwishv.jpg

Death Wish, Death Wish 2, Death Wish 3, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, Death Wish 5: The Face of Death  In which everyone that Charles Bronson cares about either gets raped, raped again, killed, raped then killed, etc. forcing Charlie to respond in the classic fashion of the actor of extremely limited talent: kill lots of gang members. I mean a lot of them.

 405px-volcano_ver2.jpg Volcano  You remember this one, don’t you? It’s about a previously undetected volcano bursting up through the ground in L.A. Tommy Lee Jones slumming at his worst.

381px-red_dawn.jpg  Red Dawn  During the Cold War, Russia invades the U.S. The commies have planned for every last contingency, but they didn’t plan on Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, Lea Thompson, Jennifer Grey, and a bunch of Teen Actors That Nobody Remembers (or TATNR for short) running into the hills and fighting back without any military training or outside support. Despite my fond memories of this movie, I can’t really call it a “classic” with a straight face. But to anyone else who saw it, I have one thing to say: “Wolverines!”  On a side note, does anybody really think that Lea Thompson can act?

iron_eagle.jpg  Iron Eagle Another Cold War classic, in which Louis Gossett, Jr. and yet another TATNR single-handedly wipe out the air force of some generic Middle-Eastern country to rescue said TATNR’s dad, because them cowardly bureaucrats won’t do nothin! To it’s credit, this movie did give us the Queen song “One Vision,” which is a pretty good tune, I guess.

in-lawsposter.jpg  The In-Laws not the original with Alan Arkin and Peter Falk, but the remake with Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks.

And Now The Screaming Starts! I’ll just bet it did.

spiderposter.jpg  Earth vs. The Spider  or This Movie vs. The Audience

Some classics, huh? It’s hard to believe that we pay for this stuff.

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16 Responses

  1. rollerpimp says:

    I have thought that AMC was named incorrectly for a while. They used to be commercial free and showed genuine classic movies. They have since moved to a commercial format aand also have seemed to have lost what determines classic. I don’t know if it is because the newer movies pay them better or what. I know with movies like Iron Eagle and Red Dawn they are seen by people of our age as fun memories. I know I have to stop and watch Red Dawn whenever it is on. WOLVERINES! But the new In-Laws? Not so much. They also seem to think that any black and white movie is classic, which I think we have learned is not quite true.

  2. everydayman says:

    You got a wide collection here man. I haven’t even heard of those other movies, but I might check it out.

    Anyway, classic for me has something to do with a movies quality and impact towards the viewers. it doesn’t even have to be old. There are even classics in the making.

    But I think we all have different classic movies in our mind. No one’s actually wrong.

    http://3critical.wordpress.com

  3. rollerpimp says:

    I never want to meet the person that thinks Piñata: Survival Island is a classic movie. I would be forced to hit him/her with a blivet.

  4. bamagrad says:

    Well, make fun of me if you like, but Iron Eagle is one of my favorite movies. I even own it on DVD. And Jason Gedrick is not someone I have forgotten. He’s one of my favorite actors. He tends to play mafia-types now, but still I’ll always remember him with that tape recorder strapped to his leg listening to Chappy’s instructions.

  5. David B says:

    I’ll agree with you on most of this…but don’t even start hating on Red Dawn. Best. Movie. Ever. I will fight you to the death on this one.

  6. Trey Morgan says:

    Dude,

    Red Dawn and Iron Eagle … talk about memories. I took my wife on our first date to see Red Dawn. I had no idea it was going to end “sad.” She went home and cried.

  7. odgie says:

    Rollerpimp – I’m all about the blivet.

    Everydayman – Welcome and thnaks for commenting. You are right that age does not determine a classic.

    Bamagrad – Hey, nothing wrong with liking “Iron Eagle.” I can name several movies that I like that nobody would consider a classic. As the man said: “I don’t know art but I know what I like.”

    Dave – I’m not hating on “Red Dawn” at all, but a classic?

    Trey – I forgot about the ending of “Red Dawn”…now i’m getting a little misty…

  8. Brian says:

    ahhh, when we first got cable in the 80s, I watched Red Dawn on a regular basis. great movie. and I didn’t become a violent murderer.

  9. Kathi says:

    You mean to tell me that movies about the Cold War aren’t automatically classics? What about “War Games”?

    🙂

  10. Dave Roland says:

    Dude! WarGames was awesome. I, too, was a big Red Dawn fan. I probably watched it three dozen times.

    I have an unsung comedy classic for your consideration: Big Trouble In Little China. What a movie!

  11. odgie says:

    DR – Yes! “Big Trouble in Little China” definately qualifies as a camp classic.

  12. mark says:

    How many weekends is AMC going to run “The Godfather”? Isn’t anyone else sick of this already. It seems to be repeated over and over and over and over.

  13. mark says:

    With the garbage that is on most of the time on AMC I would recommend we refer to ot as ALL Movie Crap. What are we paying for anyway through our cable? They just repeat the same movies. Once in a while they will throw in something decent such as “Breaking Bad ” just to keep us guessing. We need some new blood in that organization. Are they too cheap to get some real classics on. I don’t see my cable bills going down either.

  14. Liza says:

    AMC in my opinion has gone down hill.I love TCM way better

  15. mrjeswan says:

    Total agreement, and another AMC (as well as other channels) irritation. Those pop-ups right in the middle of the movie. Once I was watching AMC (or TBS or something other than TCM)right in a scary part – and I saw a huge fire light up right in the corner of the room. I nearly jumped out of my skin, until I realized it was just an ad for another show. Other pop-ups just about cover up important captions for foreign films. What is the big deal with advertising IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FILM? And don’t obliterate the credits, please. Some of us actually like looking at them, and have friends listed, or like to check and see if we win a bet about who directed or produced a movie. My husband and I haven’t watched AMC in a while and don’t plan to.

  16. odgie says:

    Mrjeswan – Welcome to AAT and thnaks for the comment.

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